Thoughts from my heart...

When I was only 12 I heard You say "Go",

But everything in me shouted no.

This didn't make sense at all,

For me to be the one that You would call.

Many have seemed to know when and where,

However, longingly into space I would stare.

Time has quickly and beautifully come and gone,

Like the early morning stages of the fawn.

Again, I hear You, my name is what You're calling.

Finally, I'm ready to go, I'm ready to quit stalling.

The statistics have opened my eyes

And erased each of the devil's lies.

My heart is already there,

While my life, at this time, is still here.

The details are sketchy and unclear,

But at this point and forever I have nothing to fear.

I'm gripping my Saviors hand and holding on tight,

Because this is going to be a blood inducing fight.

No matter what happens, I'm ready,

Because I know He will keep me steady.

In an instant things are capable of changing drastically... When one takes their focus off of their goal they become distracted and in the process this causes them as well as others to become the focus of possible destruction...

The teenage girl sat at her desk trying to stay focused on the task at hand, but being stuck at a desk all day always got long for her... typing, planning, thinking, silence, a few strong solid strokes on the keyboard and the project was complete.

Surprisingly, her supervisor asked if she would go and do some purchasing as her next project. She jumped at the idea to get out of the office and complete another project. Quickly she gathered her supplies and received the last instructions on the purchases that were to take place.

The girl briskly walked to her car, excited to have this new project and excited for the one she had just finished.

She climbed into her beloved car with a smile on her face and headed off with her destinations in mind. However, there was no way that she could know the destiny she would face in the hour to come.

Carefully, she watched the cross traffic and once it was safe she began to drive forward to turn onto a smaller street. To the right she saw a vehicle moving towards the road, but surely they would stop? Surely?

She continued driving, because the road was hers to drive on.. it all happened so quickly, she looked an saw this large red vehicle headed right towards her car. No time to react, no time to think, no time to do anything except listen to the horrible sound of the crunching metal. She felt her body tense beyond reason as it attempted to fight gravity. In that instance it was hard for her to catch her next breath.

Oxygen. She needed oxygen. She was in shock. She knew she needed to get out of her vehicle, but did she need to move her vehicle? How bad was the accident? Was the other driver hurt? Was she hurt? She couldn't think clearly. Cautiously she climbed out of the vehicle to talk with the other driver. After the police were called they moved their cars to wait for the help to arrive. The girl knew that she would need her I.D. as well as her insurance information so she began to look in her car for the right things, but her hands were shaking violently. She wanted her nerves calmed, but she couldn't calm them. Her stomach felt like it had been tied into a million knots, a knot so bad that she thought it would be easier to count all of the stars rather than untying the knot.

A few hours later the pain began to set in as the shock began to disintegrate. She knew that she would have a mess to deal with concerning the insurance company. However, she decided not to become stressed and upset and simply trust.

The girl, her dad, and her brothers thought that the car was most likely totaled. The thought of her car being totaled left her feeling a pain that she had never experienced in her whole life before. If she lost her car should would be losing a part of her.

To this day.. the story is untold, however, she believes she may have driven her car for the last time ever in her life and during that drive tears fell from her eyes, because it might have been the end. Only time will tell...

Lately I have been working a lot... Sometimes I look at the hours I work in a week, the hours I sleep in a week, the hours cleaning, the hours talking, the hours doing "nothing", and even the hours I spend with my Redeemer. Life continues to go by so quickly.

Sometimes I depend on people too much. I know that they'll be there for me, (or I at least think that they will be). However, every single person in your life, if they haven't already let you down, I'm pretty confident they will let you down at some point in the future. Most likely they won't mean to let you down, but they're human just like us and they mess up too.

Life doesn't seem fair too often. Maybe it's just perspective... Maybe it's just my selfishness. Maybe it's the deepest parts of my heart searching for more...

Today... I went back in time to feeling like a kid who didn't have any friends. Feeling as if the friends that I did have were the ones stolen from me by my "enemies". It's amazing to see yourself in kids who are around ten and eleven years old. You see them crying and hurting. You see them explode. I knew this girl was hurt physically, but the reason the tears continued flowing was because her hurt is broken. She wanted it to be mended... I understood, but I couldn't fix it. I don't have forgiveness to offer her. I have been given a message and all that I can do with it is carry it forward. I cannot force anyone to listen or to accept it.

When I see other people hurting it breaks my heart. When they hurt, I hurt. When they laugh, I laugh. When they cry, I cry. When they're angry, I try to calm them down, but sometimes I become angry.

Some things make me so upset... These are a lot of jumbled thoughts. I probably shouldn't post this, but I'm going to. I'll look back on it in a few months and that will be my life. :)

I think I should make a point to post on this every single day.. Hmm.. I'll have to think abou it.

Half-Full

Life swirls and spins,

As the sun comes out the ice thins.

I'm on the ice, realizing, my equilibrium is gone..

Suddenly, I'm falling like a helpless fawn.

My heart is filled with millions of emotions,

Reluctantly, I must continue with my daily motions.

I tried to hold my tears in,
But like an animal is locked up in a pin,

They screamed and clawed to be set free,

Now my eyes are burning as if they've been stung by a bee.

I'm not sure what hurts more,

When someone physically leaves,

Or when a friendship in progress weaves

Another direction and I'm left feeling sore.

I don't want to continue to love,

When, in return I get a hateful shove.

I know that I'm incredibly selfish,

And to make me disappear, could be your one wish.

However, for now, I have to get back up,

Looking, to see, that half-full is my cup.

Faces

I've seen thousands of faces,

All going different places.

A person's face tells a story,

That goes far beyond their inventory.

Some seem happy,
Others are a little too sappy.
Many seem so broken,

With countless words left unspoken.

Some faces are tear-stained,

While others behind glass are framed.
Multiple faces look confused,

It makes me wonder if they've been falsely accused.

The eyes are the doorway to the heart,
What I find could possibly tear us apart.
With whom should I be guarded?
Or with all should I be open hearted?
I want to know what everyone is facing,
But I'm afraid I would begin pacing,

Because, I am not the Creator,
And my job is not to be the Mediator.

For now I will go to my places,

And continue to watch the faces.

Love is a Choice
What is Love?
It is so much more than a feeling,
That makes you feel as if you're higher than the ceiling.
Love is a choice to let go,
When all you want to do is get closer with another row.
Love is a choice to never give up,
No matter how bitter the cup.
Love is a choice to care,
Even when you don't, of yourself, want to share.
Love is a choice to be humble,
Even as everyone else mumbles a grumble.
Love is a choice to be selfless,
Even when you feel incredibly helpless.

Winter - A season to be left alone
I thought that we were some of the closest of friends..
However, I guess, maybe I was wrong and it all just depends
On what emotion you're feeling.
Why is it that the ones you love the most,
Can cut you deeper than harsh words in the toast.
The words that they have said and say
Leave a taste that is more bitter
Than strong wine in the winter.
You always, in the past, could make me laugh,
Now I find myself in tears,
Because my heart is filled with fears.
Why am I the one to be left behind?
What are you looking for and hoping to find?
Why do I feel such strong rejection?
I feel that I am no longer a friend of your selection.

Once Upon a Time,

There were two girls. They were good friends and one night they decided they wanted to go to the theatre and watch a movie, because they were left out of the families conversation...

It was almost ten o'clock in the evening when they quickly grabbed their purses and jackets and headed for the car... The two girls talked and talked for a solid half hour.

As they were getting ready to turn into the parking lot of the theatre they saw that there were only about four cars in the parking lot. The girls began laughing, because they thought that they would end up having the whole theatre to themselves.

They parked the car and climbed out, ready for the adventure of watching the movie. The girls briskly walked to the entrance of the theatre... they quickly pulled on the door, but to their surprise it was securely locked. They looked inside, but there was no one to be seen. They knocked on the door, no one heard or came. They walked over to where the times were listed for the showing of the movies... The last showing of the movie was at seven thirty o'clock in the evening. Needless to say, the two girls were rather upset and disappointed. The girls walked back over to the door and talked about how upset they were... With disapointment written across their faces, the girls walked back to their car and climbed in.

Not knowing exactly what to do, they drove to Wal*Mart to look for a movie. When they got to Wal*Mart, it almost seemed deserted... However, they decided to be grateful for the fact that they got a parking spot that was super close to the entrance...

The girls saw a beer bottle sitting in the parking lot, so they decided to take some of their stress out on the bottle. They both gave it a good kicked and headed for the doors of Wal*Mart. As they approached the "Enter" door... they saw a shopping cart in front of it on the inside as a sign that the doors for that enterance were closed. The girls had to laugh, even though it didn't seem all that funny at the time. They walked to the other enterance and went inside, because their bladders were full and they needed to use the restroom.

Once they were finished washing their hands one of the girls couldn't find her phone and she had no idea where it was or what had happened to it...

As they walked around the store, the whole time, the girl was worried about her phone. Finally they left and went to the car to find her phone. Such a relief to both of them.

Always an adventure when you're looking for something fun and exciting to do.

The two girls might not have had the night go as they had planned, however, they did enjoy themselves and enjoyed just being together.